i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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