the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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