hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
