im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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