I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Shame - the story of my life.
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