Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
