some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
