Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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