at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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