Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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