k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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