Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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