and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
