I will die if light touches me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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