I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
