Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
