i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize