The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
