He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
