just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
