I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
