Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
