just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
