I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
