Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
