I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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