I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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