im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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