Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
