I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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