life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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