Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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