Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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