I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
