Farmville is her only friend.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
