Whats the glycemic index on semen?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
