Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
