Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
