i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
