I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
