It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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