Apparently you make a good broom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pants are for mortals
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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