umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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