I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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