i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
