in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
