i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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