i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
