Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
