this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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