first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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