Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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