I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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