i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
