Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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