he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
