she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
