Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
