If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This house was built for laser tag.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
