I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
