oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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