i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
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He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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