I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
