i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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